In Traditional Chinese Medicine (just as in our Western perspective) love is associated with the heart. It is considered the organ of the fire element, the seat of joy, compassion, empathy and connection. The heart is also where our shen lives. The shen is defined as the “spirit” or “essence” of a person, encompassing their consciousness, mental activity (it is the house of our mind), and spiritual vitality. It is basically our higher self and when we are living in our purpose it is said our shen is sitting well in our heart.
We are best able to love and express our love when the shen is clear and strong but just like any good symbiotic relationship, the shen is stronger when there is connection as it deeply longs to be seen and appreciated. Connection and belonging nourish our shen.
It is said in the beginning of romantic love, our heart actually becomes destabilized. It scatters our energy (xi) and sends our shen up to heaven which is why we feel and act so crazy at the beginning of romantic love relationships. We essentially lose our mind and this is not at all nourishing to our shen. This is because the boundary between our heart and the other becomes blurred. I would argue that even as our relationships move out of the honeymoon phase, even in our relationships that are not based around romantic love, like relationships with our parents or children, we still hit moments when we are overly connected, where our heart boundaries blur, and we become quite destabilized.
So how do we prevent ourselves from overly connecting? How do we maintain boundaries? Your body has an answer for that. There is this handy little organ called the pericardium ("The Master of the Heart" - Xin Zhu) that helps protect the heart, like a beautiful gatekeeper. It is essentially a fluid-filled sac that surrounds your heart and the major blood vessels that extend from your heart. Physiologically it's purpose is to:
Cushion your heart from outside forces and pressure.
Hold your heart in place (essentially center it).
Keep your heart from expanding too much and filling with too much blood.
Protect your heart from infections.
Provide lubrication to reduce friction between your heart and surrounding tissues.
It's not hard to connect the dots and see how these physiological functions of the pericardium also help protect us from energetic and emotional forces and pressure, protecting our heart from expanding too much so that the boundaries become blurred, and protecting us against what is potentially harmful, only allowing in what is worthy for our heart and shen.
The outside world can fuel our shen but we also know it can equally extinguish it as well.
When we meditate on our pericardium we can imagine and send gratitude for this sensory gate that tends ever so preciously to our heart, acting as a filter to the experiences and emotions of life. As life and love moves through us, as our heart longs to open the door to connect and belong, it simultaneously remembers past hurt and trauma and is afraid to open the door. The outside world can fuel our shen but we also know that it can equally extinguish it as well. The balance comes from being conscious to maintain a slightly open door but not to leave it too wide open so that everything can make its way in. We can support our pericardium by centering in our heart and strengthening our shen. To be solid in our essence and purpose. When our heart is strong and clear, the pericardium knows its job, the boundary is clearly marked. And if it slips up and allows something in that is not helpful, our shen on the other side will be strong enough to meet it and kindly walk it right back out the door. It will not be prone to destabilizing the moment a boundary begins to be crossed unskillfully. It is the idea that a functioning gate is needed to protect the house but ultimately the house must be strong too. Here are some tips for centering in your heart and strengthening your shen:
Cultivate loving awareness
Connect deeply and give gratitude for your shen for all its compassion and guidance, its unique gifts, and all the creative force and inspiration it gives you
Spend adequate time alone connecting to your heart
Journal or write, letting what is in your heart flow onto the page
Do activities that help you feel grounded
Let your shen be seen but always know and communicate your boundaries in relationships
Do not make decisions when you feel destabilized (like you are losing your mind either in a good, euphoric way or a flying off the handle kind of way)
Allow yourself to feel joy
Also, I was recently turned onto the work of Lynda Caesara and her mindfulness practices of Me/Not Me. Here is a link to a podcast where you can explore these practices as I feel these are an excellent way to connect to your heart and support your pericardium.
When thinking about all this what often comes to mind for me is the sentiment that was shared with us in a parenting class I took when my son was little. In an airplane we are instructed to put our oxygen mask on before putting on someone else's and so in life we too must make sure we are taken care of, healthy and strong before we can connect with others in a way that is healthy and strong.
May your heart be tended to with care and your boundaries be clear so that life's gifts of connection and belonging will only brighten the flame of your heart and ignite joy.
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